Men in Black 3 - Post Movie Review - Minimal Spoilers

By: 14th Lord

While I'll keeping this spoilers minimal, I'll diverge as much spoilers as the trailers do, with a bit extra information on the big bad of the movie, so that I can thoroughly explain the premise and where this movie fails.

Continuing the trend of reviving age old series, Men in Black 3 has been released in theaters and I wonder, who left was asking for a sequel after the disaster that was MIB2? As I gathered from my friends and acquaintances alike, expectations for the movie was low, and I'll admit, I went in expecting it to be bad, but open to being blown away.

We start the movie with a girl flaunting her cake all about a prison, in a scene that raises more questions that the movie just forgets about. We meet a unnamed girl, who delivers a cake to "Boris the Animal", before we discover, hey, we're in space!

Well, the moon to be more exact, but close enough. He breaks out of the prison through shooting open the wall with a big ass gun, sucking out many guards, and walking on the moon, killing the unnamed girl who moments ago he had a nasty scene involving his tongue, which I'm sure some people will be taking home for fap material. Apparently he can survive the extensive jump from the moon to earth, and doesn't need to breathe or worry about the extremely harsh conditions of space, which is never brought up or explained, nor is what the crap is with his eyes. He's a alien, explanations aren't needed.

So through the movie, Will Smith does his shtick, acting like a rookie agent who's still rash and hot headed, while the movie continues 15 years after he was recruited.

After the off screen death of Zed, and promotion of agent O, the MIB go to a random Chinese place, which happens to be where Boris the monster was waiting for K to kill him. He of course fails, and K refuses to tell J anything that might be helpful with the case in the past, despite according to what we later learn, he knew J would return to the past after K gets wiped out of history by Boris killing him in the past.

Skipping clutter, J time travels to the past to stop the end of the world in a manner that generates plot holes that we will ignore for the movies sake. Boris kills random people, J and K chase him. They end up finding a crazy alien while going into a party for models, who looks and acts weird, just for the sake to be weird, because hey, they're aliens, they must be freaks!

Crazy alien (Griffin the Arcanian) that can see every possible future gives them the arklight which when sent to space, would prevent Boris's race from invading. Why if his people had such a powerful device that only required you to place it in space (When if he;s on earth, they definitely have space travel), couldn't they stop Boris's race from invading? Not just that, they could SEE THE BLOODY FUTURE. Never brought up of course. Also, is it just me, or does Griffin look like Peter parker from the original spiderman movies?

Eventually J and K, despite Boris's persistence, acquires the arclight and go to nasa's rocket launch, the only method of getting the arclight to space, which no one thought of using despite it being big news, until someone happens to see the newspaper that it's launch day. Boris's fails to stop them, we discover what made K into a bitter humorless stiff that he's in modern day, happy ending, one last witty funny scene that's become a tradition, the end.

Characters: 3/10
Characters? All the development they would do, they did it better in the first movie. Granted, this movie was better as they developed K's past rather than butcher his character like MIB2 did, it was quite shallow. Will Smith, well, acts like Will Smith, and nothing's added or developed in his character. A major failure in this movie is relying on only having two characters, that was fully developed movies ago. Honestly, yet again, K as a character wasn't needed, as he was in little of the movie unless you count Young K, in which case, was a completely different character. Of course the movie throws in a bunch of one dimensional characters with poor back story, or there purely as cameo or a laugh, but that's not really characters.
Plot: 3/10
Everyone knew going into this movie, at least I'd hope, that the plot was going to be pretty bad. That doesn't prevent the movie from trying to hype and build up a climatic final battle revelation, but there's never a sense of danger. Everything's so routine. Boris, the big bad, was a shallow villain with minimal background story / motivation, and came off as less of a threat than even the villain of the previous movie. It's a bad trend that the movies crisis becomes less and less, despite struggling to hype up the reveals. Honestly, half the movie is hyping to things that'll happen, or what have happened, and when it's revealed, it's just a massive let down.
Fun Factor: 7/10
If you enjoy bad or cheesy movies, you'll enjoy this. This movie felt very reminiscent of the Mummy 3 in cheese. While the Mummy 1 and 2 took things that could of been cheesy in a fun and serious light, like this the Mummy 3, MIB3 took situations that you could imagine would of been in the first movie, and just cheesifies it. Many times I had to whisper in my friends ear, "OF COURSE!" or, "Don't tell me they're going to...". At the end, I left the theater with a smile on my face, largely because I enjoyed how cheesy and bad it was.
Directing & Casting: 5/10
The directing was horrible. Not everything needs to be comedic, this is something the first movie knew. Will Smith acted far too "rookie" for a "senior" MIB agent. Every character just felt, well, wrong, as a person. It just didn't feel that anyone could act the way the characters acted. Like MIB2, it seemed the few returning cast could of been replaced easily, as the characters weren't needed except for nostalgia sake.
Overall: 5/10
If you like nostalgia trips, bad movies, or cheesy movies, this is the movie for you. I highly recommend against seeing it in 3d, as this movie isn't even worth the ticket price to see. It can be simply bad fun, but in the end, I left the theater with a smile, so I suppose it passes, giving it a +1 in my books, making it a average movie that only just gives the viewer enough reason to want to watch it. As this movie had a ton of continuity errors, I might make a second write up (filled with spoilers of course) to point them all out. Just one last question before I go. Who the fuck was the cleavage girl in the beginning of the movie? Did she even have a fucking name?

If you enjoyed that review, you can Click Here to see what else I've written about!